Most people passing by Legacy Village probably view those three words with sincere respect. For those of us who have family members living there, they have much greater meaning. Each day, as the caregiving team faithfully meets the needs of those whom many consider unnecessary; I become more aware that they grasp something that the church sometimes seems to forget:
… our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. How strange a body would be if it had only one part! Yes, there are many parts, but only one body.
The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you. “In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary…
If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.
All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it (1 Corinthians 12:18-22, 26-27 NLT).
Lest you think that I am being judgmental, please know that the path to my appreciation of caregivers was incremental. Unfortunately, it had to be forged in the crucible of my own suffering.
Before April 2017
With the help of our two wonderful daughters, we cared for Linda at home. My oldest sister and Linda’s youngest sister selflessly filled in the gaps. When I reflect upon that part of the journey, several realities stand out: Without the abiding presence of the Holy Spirit, I could not have survived. My helpers were motivated by a love originating in another Kingdom. God is always faithful to signal that a new season has arrived.
After April 2017
Selecting caregivers proved to be challenging. First of all, to say that Linda objected to the whole idea is an understatement. Secondly, even after that hurdle was cleared, finding a fit took several months. When interviewed, each candidate was given a copy of Caregiver Guidelines for Linda Harvard. The following revised and condensed excerpts reveal my intent:
Personal Background
Growing up in a pastor’s home, Linda has been involved in the work of the Lord her entire life. While still in her teens, she sensed a strong desire to continue in ministry. Therefore, quite fortunately for me, God allowed our paths to cross at Lee University. We began active ministry in June 1965 and continue until the present. My usage of “WE” is quite intentional. Our approach to life and ministry has always been a team effort.
Her personality, memory, judgment and physical agility are slowly being robbed. There are times when her vocabulary, actions and behavior are totally at odds with everything that she has believed and expressed throughout her life. However, those of us who love her are determined that we will not allow her great accomplishments to be forgotten.
Philosophy of Care
All care must be seen as ministry and her dignity, comfort, and self-worth must never be compromised. At the core of her being, she is still the wonderful wife, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt and servant of the Lord that she has always been.
Suggestions for Relating to Linda
- As much as possible, develop a basic knowledge of dementia.
- Do not treat her as an invalid. Allow her to express herself and do whatever work that she can do. Obviously, this precludes anything dangerous or unreasonable.
- Always treat her with dignity and respect. No matter how many times that she asks the same question, answer as if it were the first time.
- Remember that her thoughts and words are an expression of her perception of reality:
- Never argue with her. Sometimes, she is confused as to whether I am her husband, father, or someone else. Often this confusion extends to her relationship with children, grandchildren, siblings, and acquaintances.
- Simply listen, and if she is open to correct information, provide it. If not, attempt to redirect the conversation.
- Obviously, it is your responsibility to protect her and prevent her from doing anything dangerous or unreasonable; however, no punitive consequences such as, “You may have to be placed in a home or arrested,” are to be stated.
- Never argue with her. Sometimes, she is confused as to whether I am her husband, father, or someone else. Often this confusion extends to her relationship with children, grandchildren, siblings, and acquaintances.
Suggestions for Relating to Ron
- I need to hear and fully respond to your thoughts and suggestions.
- If you do not feel that I am listening, please feel free to tell me. I will not be offended.
By September 2017, we were able to put together a team that effectively ministered to and met Linda’s needs. One of the caregivers, a precious lady from Trinidad, surpassed all expectations and remained with us until Linda became a resident of Legacy Village. I will always remember her as a blessing sent from Heaven!
Ron Harvard Ministries 