The title of this week’s blog is a contradiction in terminology and hints of a possible adventure; however, as a primary caregiver to a loved one suffering dementia, living through such a time is torturous. Before discussing the details, let’s fast forward to last Friday and I will allow you to eavesdrop on a far more pleasant conversation:
- In a window visit, I talked to Linda, sang songs about Heaven and rejoiced over Jesus’s imminent return. She responded, “Praise God!” As her memory grows dimmer, I am doing all that I can to keep Heaven in her thoughts!
- At times, as I updated her on our family and told her about my work, there seemed to be hints of recognition. Regardless, she attentively listened and thrilled my heart when she said, “I really do love you.”
- Unlike so many of our visits, she was, for a brief time, partially in my world. When I left, she threw me a kiss; and by the time I had reached my car, she was back in her world.
Journeying
2017: April 1 – October 3
Selecting caregivers proved to be the easiest task that I would face. Trying to settle on a correct diagnosis, her doctors frequently changed her medications and dosages. Nothing seemed to help! Her sense of smell became distorted and slurring of words was sometimes accompanied by what appeared to be slight seizures. On one occasion, it was far more severe with multiple symptoms: barely able to speak, closed eyes, stiff limbs and a drastic distortion of posture. After getting her out of the car, I walked ahead of her backwards as she shuffled along and ascended the steps with great difficulty. Once inside, I physically arranged her on the couch. After several minutes of sleep, she awakened and returned to normalcy.
Even more perplexing, if possible, were irrational fears of being robbed, hurt or molested. She talked more frequently to imaginary persons, and their voices trumped reality. In what might be considered humorous, if one were not living through it, she cleverly devised plans to lock the caregivers out of the house and crawled out windows to escape them. This resulted in my having to install deadbolts, which she tried to open by whatever means was available.
2017: October 4 – October 15
After prayerful consideration, I made the gut-wrenching decision to place Linda in a well-known hospital for an evaluation by a geriatric psychiatrist. My heart felt like it was ripped out of me; however, several positive things came out of this move: She was given a definitive diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, all medicines were removed and replaced by a new regimen, which resulted in her returning to a semblance of peace.
During this time, I was able to get some rest and with the encouragement of the psychiatrist and the social worker, made a second gut-wrenching decision to place Linda in a memory care facility, in a nearby city, which had been carefully chosen. At that point, I felt that I was in the will of God.
An Unexpected Destination
On the morning of October 16, she was transported from the hospital to what I felt would be her new home. I arranged to have lunch with her and visited her room. When I left, she did not seem upset and thanked me for coming. Throughout the afternoon, I felt troubled in my spirit and later learned that my daughters, who also visited her, felt the same way.
That evening while eating dinner with my sister who lives some distance from the facility, I felt an overwhelming prompting from the Holy Spirit to go check on Linda. When I arrived around an hour later and rang the doorbell, a nurse met me in the Lobby and said, “I was just about to call you. Linda is experiencing shortness of breath and not responding.” When I saw her, she was sitting up with her eyes closed and could not respond in any way. I carried her to the emergency room at the hospital she had left that morning. Lab work, a CT scan and an EEG all came back normal. She awakened after about twenty minutes and recognized me. After further evaluation, she was dismissed.
I went back to the facility, picked up medicine for two days, clothes for the night, told them I was taking her home and would let them know the next day what my intentions were. My mind was pretty well made up that she would not return. Thankfully, both of her caregivers were available to resume work the next day. Looking back, I marvel at the timing of God. The love of my life was able to stay at home with me for another year!
Ron Harvard Ministries 