Riding roller coasters is fun! In a matter of minutes, joy and fear overwhelm you in repetitive waves. Throughout our years together, especially when our children were young, Linda and I rode some real thrillers. In retrospect, I wonder if her apparent willingness to participate might have been more about being with the children and me than seeking an adrenaline rush.
At any rate, for now, let’s wrap it up with this observation: Riding roller coasters is fun; however, you would not want to do it day in and day out. Yet, in many ways, serving as a caregiver to a dementia patient is much like riding an emotional roller coaster, sometimes for days and even weeks on end. Please do not think I am complaining. If the roles were reversed, Linda would do the same for me! This week, my intention is to evaluate my momentary difficulty in light of God’s eternal purpose for his Church.
My Momentary Difficulty
I ended last week’s blog by reflecting on the events of October 16, 2017: “Looking back, I marvel at the timing of God. The love of my life was able to stay at home with me for another year!” That emotional high was soon confronted with the reality that Linda’s doctors did not accept the definitive diagnosis of Alzheimer’s provided by the geriatric psychiatrist. Therefore, another round of expensive lab work and testing began. On top of this, there was an increase in auditory hallucinations and conflict with caregivers which resulted in, at times, my having to play the role of a stern father. Everything combined, nothing hurt as badly as her accusations of my unfaithfulness and disregard for her needs.
By Thanksgiving, I was beginning to acutely feel the stress and secretly wondered if I could survive another day. Next week, I will share how God sent a series of persons into my life to help me plan a path forward.
God’s Eternal Purpose for His Church
During our many years of pastoring, when faced with what appeared to be insurmountable obstacles, Linda and I always sought to understand what God wished for us to learn while we walked through the storm. Presently, as I observe the reaction to the pandemic, several thoughts flood my mind: First, God’s eternal purpose for his Church has become very blurred. Secondly, over the past thirty-five years, especially in western culture, the focus of our teaching, preaching and singing has been upon our present personal happiness. As a result, the role of suffering in producing spiritual maturity has been overlooked. Do not think for a moment that I am blaming the talented pastors who are now filling our pulpits. If my colleagues and I had been willing to examine and apply the pattern found in the Psalms, the song book of the early Church, there would have been a resulting balance between expressions of joy and lament. Instead, many times the issues of life that are hard to understand were omitted. Outside the Psalms, Jeremiah, who was marvelously used by God, provides a wonderful example of how to, unashamedly and without hesitation, openly express conflicting emotions to God. The following passage illustrates intense grief and deep depression, while still maintaining persistent faith and trust in God:
But the Lord stands beside me like a great warrior. Before him my persecutors will stumble.
They cannot defeat me. They will fail and be thoroughly humiliated. Their dishonor will never be forgotten. O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, you test those who are righteous, and you examine the deepest thoughts and secrets. Let me see your vengeance against them, for I have committed my cause to you. Sing to the Lord! Praise the Lord! For though I was poor and needy, he rescued me from my oppressors.
Yet I curse the day I was born! May no one celebrate the day of my birth. I curse the messenger who told my father, “Good news—you have a son!” Let him be destroyed like the cities of old
that the Lord overthrew without mercy. Terrify him all day long with battle shouts, because he did not kill me at birth. Oh, that I had died in my mother’s womb, that her body had been my grave! Why was I ever born? My entire life has been filled with trouble, sorrow, and shame (Jeremiah 20: 11- 18 NLT).
Presently, I confess that Jeremiah’s transparency speaks directly to my momentary difficulty. As it relates to God’s eternal purpose for his Church, I repent that I did not do a better job in preparing God’s people for the pandemic that we are presently facing. I am quite certain that it will not be the last!
Ron Harvard Ministries 