I often entertain Linda by asking a question, “Do you know the first thing I am going to do when I get to Heaven?” Invariably, she says, “What?” And, I respond, “I am going to find you, take you by the hand, and, like little children, we are going to laugh and dance all over Heaven.” My question is about more than just eliciting her beautiful smile and laugh of anticipation. At the end of today’s blog, I will revisit this interaction.
Near the end of November 2017, I was wondering if I could survive another day. A discussion with a friend prompted me to begin mapping a path to victory. Three issues were considered: What are my present challenges? What does a successful solution look like? How should my dilemma be seen in light of eternity? Fanny Crosby, blind from infancy, presented a clear vision of how victory could be realized. Her hymn, He Hideth My Soul, built upon God’s promise to Moses, illustrates my map:
And the Lord said, “Here is a place by Me, and you shall stand on the rock. So it shall be, while My glory passes by, that I will put you in the cleft of the rock, and will cover you with My hand while I pass by (Exodus 33:21-22 NKJV).
What are My Present Challenges?
The following excerpts from my journal spelled them out:
- “Virtually all of Linda’s behavioral issues are intensifying: Sometimes, she worries about being ready for heaven and feels she is a nuisance. Moments later, she wishes she could go home and be with Jesus.”
- “I am caught between two gigantic realities: I want to keep Linda at home with me; for I have vivid recollections of my last experience with a memory care facility. At the same time, I am uncertain how long I can stand up under the stress. I have been sick for the past several weeks and am on my second round of antibiotics.”
- “When I see others enjoying a relationship with the love of their life, while I am slowly and painfully losing mine; I struggle with feelings of despair. I also grieve because Linda cannot respond, as she has in the past, when I am sick. Finally, fear creeps in when her doctors inform me of what I should expect as the disease progresses.
This verse provides hope:
He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock that shadows a dry, thirsty land. He hideth my life in the depths of His love and covers me there with His hand.
What Does a Successful Solution Look Like?
By early December 2017, I had distilled this question into three pertinent entities:
- As it relates to taking care of Linda, what does trusting God mean?
- If I die or become disabled, what will happen to her?
- If the fog of dementia momentarily lifted, what would Linda want?
After reflection, with the construction of Legacy Village underway, I met with the CEO, selected a studio apartment and put down a deposit. In the ensuing months, I continued to give her the best care possible and sought to regain my health.
These verses illustrate a solution:
A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord, He taketh my burden away: He holdeth me up, and I shall not be moved, He giveth me strength as my day.
With numberless blessings each moment He crowns, and, filled with His fullness divine, I sing in my rapture, oh glory to God, for such a Redeemer as mine!
A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord, a wonderful Savior to me; He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock, where rivers of pleasure I see.
How Should My Dilemma Be Seen in Light of Eternity?
In this verse, Fanny Crosby connects God’s promise to Moses with a wonderful celebration which is yet to come:
When clothed in His brightness, transported I rise to meet Him in the clouds of the sky, His perfect salvation, His wonderful love, I shout it with the millions on high.
Now, let’s revisit my opening interaction: John’s vision of Heaven and Jesus’s exhortation to his disciples appear to corroborate my promise to Linda:
Then I looked again, and I heard the voices of thousands and millions of angels around the throne and of the living beings and the elders. And they sang in a mighty chorus:
“Worthy is the Lamb who was slaughtered – to receive power and riches and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and blessing” (Revelation 5:11-12 NLT).
He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 18:3 NIV).
Ron Harvard Ministries 