When I was younger, my focus was always on trying to get to the next destination. Consequently, much of the joy of the journey was lost. I will not to repeat that mistake. The events of late May through July 2019 provided fertile soil for the growth of my faith. I experienced change in my role as a caregiver to Linda; recognized my destiny is unfolding; and found Christ in the messiness of life.
Caregiver to Linda
Excerpts from my journal depict the changing nature of my relationship with Linda:
- “We will soon celebrate fifty-six years of marriage.”
- “Last night I found a letter that I had written to her from Salt Lake City, two months before our wedding. In it, I alluded to the fact that she always encouraged me to keep trudging up the mountain.”
- “Throughout our marriage, as an expression of mutual desire, I was the primary leader, but that has changed.”
- “On the final leg of our journey, neither of us is leading. She is being carried along, as if by the current of a strong river; and I am doing my best to faithfully follow and love her as Christ loves the Church.”
The residents, nurses, caregivers and staff at Legacy Village are becoming her family. They spend more time with her than I do. During this time frame, Linda still had moments of complete lucidity. One Sunday, when greeting the residents, the chaplain asked her who I was and she answered, “This is my husband.” When he asked her if she was going to keep me, she replied, “Yes, he is wonderful.” I cherish that memory!
Unfolding Destiny
After nearly six decades, with our personalities entwined, my relationship with Linda has changed. She is, and will continue to be, the love of my life; however, I must move forward alone. With this in mind, I began to take some very significant steps:
- It was very important to my mother-in-law that her children be a part of the Hardin Family Reunion. With her being gone and Linda unable to participate for the past several years, I made the decision to attend. For the first few minutes, I was overwhelmed with grief and considered leaving. Then, sensing that I was being received as family, I settled down and enjoyed the festivities.
- I celebrated Father’s Day with my sister, brother-in-law, children and several grandchildren. Very aware of Linda’s absence, I chose to focus on the significance of being with my family, and fully participated in that moment in time.
- After prayerful consideration, I put our home on the market and signed a contract on a two-bedroom townhouse with a single car garage. This would free up funds which could be used to cover Linda’s continuing care. Equally important, it would allow me to no longer live with the constant memories associated with every room in the house.
To the casual observer, each of these could be considered inconsequential; however, for me they were huge. I considered them groundbreaking!
Christ in the Messiness of Life
During the last day of a High Sierra Hike, Michael, my son, became sick but managed to continue to the peak. On the way down, with seven miles left, he could go no farther:
- A former emergency room doctor (a pastor’s son) came by at just the right time, said that he thought it was pulmonary edema; and they must get him off the mountain.
- The California Highway Patrol airlifted him, by helicopter, to a hospital in Lone Pine, California, where he was given a breathing treatment and efficacious medication.
- Upon receiving the news, I was overwhelmed at the timing and offered profuse praise to God. I was reminded that in 1989, I received a clear mandate from God, “Trust Michael to me!”
On July 27, I made the following entries in my journal: “I have not felt good today – unsure if it is stress or age. On this day forty-one years ago, Jeffery, my youngest son, was killed; and thirty-three years ago, I buried my father.” Four days later, on Jeffery’s forty-eight birthday, I carried flowers to his grave and told him, even though I am aware he was not listening, that I was much closer to seeing him again, and his mother would probably be there before me.
Considering Jeffrey’s death, Linda’s dementia and Michael’s survival, someone might ask a logical question: Why? Rather than attempting to answer, I choose to stand on two wonderful truths:
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine” (Isaiah 55:8 NLT).
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 NIV).
Ron Harvard Ministries 