With pervasive hopelessness increasingly apparent in our society, preparing for the future can be quite daunting. That does not negate my responsibility as a caregiver to my wife. In order to be effective, I must be aware of two opposing realities:

• Hopelessness is exacerbated when people choose to play Ain’t it Awful!  The rules are simple: Identify an unpleasant situation, ruminate on the elements that frustrate you the most, ignore facts that do not align with your conclusions, and refuse to consider how positive change could be brought about. To further solidify your position, find someone of similar persuasion and spend large amounts of time fervently rehearsing each component as you perceive them to be. Finally, for maximum effect, remember that misery loves company: Post your grievances on social media and bask in the satisfaction of locating others who share your views. Obviously, I am presenting this as a tongue-in-cheek scenario; however, my point is valid!

• Hope flourishes within a framework of truth. Therefore, our thinking and behavior must be informed by the Word of God. Paul’s writings to the church at Thessalonica were all about preparing for the future. Four verses are especially pertinent to this conversation:

Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (I Thessalonians 5: 15 -18 NIV).

Linda’s Progress

This week has been a flurry of medical reports, changing visitation guidelines, and, on my part, careful observance of Linda’s attitude and actions:

• An additional X-Ray revealed that the Ileus is chronic. Therefore, I was presented with two choices: set up an appointment with a gastroenterologist; or put her on a soft diet for one week and repeat the X-Ray to determine if there is a change for better or worse. Knowing that the Ileus probably signals the progression of this horrible disease, I chose the latter. I do not want to subject her to any further discomfort that would invariably result from additional medical procedures.

• As a result of the decline of Covid infections in Bradley County, inside visitation behind a Plexiglas screen was reinstituted at Legacy Village. I have taken advantage of this welcome change; however, the emotional impact upon me has been bittersweet. On the one hand, I was gladdened by her response at seeing me in person, in the same room with her. She flashed that beautiful smile, and, with her limited conversational ability, very clearly expressed her love for me. On the other hand, witnessing up close the changes in her cognitive and physical abilities was, to say the least, overwhelming. For example, in trying to speak, at one point, her entire mouth was involved in a type of prolonged stuttering that I had never seen before. Finally, trying to explain why she could not reach around the Plexiglas screen and touch me, without making her feel rejected, was the most difficult challenge of all. 

Overall, the positives far outnumber any negatives. With a Face Time visit, it is necessary to respect the limited time a caregiver can provide; however, the 30-minute time frame of the new inside visits allow me to tell her detailed stories, read from the Bible and sing songs from the old Red Back Hymnal, from which both of us had learned as children. This led to a precious moment that speaks volumes about where she is in preparing for the future. While singing the first verse of The Old Gospel Ship, she closed her eyes in worship: 

I have good new to bring and that is why I sing, all my joys with you I’ll share;
I plan to take a trip in the good Old Gospel Ship and go sailing through the air.

The chorus seemed to touch her at an even deeper level: 

O, I’m “gon-na” take a trip, in the good Old Gospel Ship,
I’m going far beyond the sky,
O, I’m “gon-na” shout and sing until the heavens ring,
While I’m bidding this world goodbye.

Upon completing it, she excitedly proclaimed, “Praise God!” When I asked her if she especially liked the idea of shouting and singing while leaving this world, she said, “Yes,” while nodding her heading in affirmation. 

My Response

Truthfully, wrapping my mind around all that is happening has been overwhelming; however, two very different thoughts converge to bring me peace:

• Linda’s home going could take place in weeks, months or years. Her journey through Alzheimer’s has never been predictable.

• I must continue to put into practice that which I have taught others: “Follow with your heart as your loved one teaches you how to walk victoriously through the long goodbye.”