Prior to Jeffery’s death, our family lived in a small home in Cleveland, Tennessee. Two memories provide a foundation for this week’s blog: The mirror in the tiny master bath invariably fogged up when we took a shower, requiring repeated wiping before we could see clearly. On a lighter note, one morning when I checked on Jeffery’s progress as he dressed for school, he proudly greeted me with his hair parted down the middle and asked, “Dad, don’t you think I look a little like Paul Dana Walker?”  He regularly watched his hero play basketball at Lee College and wanted to be like him. 

Preparation for Perfection

Last Wednesday I was able to visit Linda in her room. When I told her how much I loved her, she responded by affectionally patting my knee. Throughout our long marriage, this has always been code for, “You are special!” Following my usual format, I told her a story; which highlighted how we met, dated, married and God had blessed us with four children. She interrupted, proudly pointed to the baby dolls on her bed, and slowly counted to six (there were only four). I accepted her interpretation of the story, told her they were all beautiful, and looked like her. She smiled broadly and thanked me.

We then sang love songs, You Are My Sunshine and Beautiful Girl from Richmond, Ky; a fun song, She’ll be Coming Round the Mountain; and several worship songs from the old Red Back Hymnal. When singing about Heaven, she greatly rejoiced. Hoping to gain insight, I asked her, “What comes to your mind when you think about Heaven?” She said, “When I first came here, I didn’t know where I was and………………” When she stopped, I waited to see if she could go on, but it was obvious from the look in her eyes, she couldn’t further express herself. Suddenly, she reached over squeezed my hand and with great meaning said, “I love you!” I was left, as I have been so many times, trying to figure out what had just happened:

• Could she not find words to express her thoughts?

• Was there a break in her thought patterns?

• Was it a combination of the two?

Upon reflection, I have determined the fogged-up mirror in that tiny master bath offers a clue. As I noted in last week’s blog, “…an orderly progression in the development of spoken language can be observed…development of Dementia stops all forward momentum and gradually moves the sufferer in reverse order back through the process.”

• In the early or mild stage of Alzheimer’s, the ability to clearly express thought is largely intact; and when a break occurs, it can be compared to the occasional static experienced while listening to the radio.  At worst, it is a minor inconvenience, and a quick wipe on the fogged-up mirror quickly clears away confusion. 

• In the middle or moderate stage, breaks can be compared to the frustration of listening to the radio, and as result of a weak signal, sentence fragments are lost. It is more than a minor inconvenience; nevertheless, with effort the fogged-up mirror can be cleared for significant amounts of time — thus, lessening the impact of confusion.

• Linda is now in in the late or severe stage, and breaks can be compared to a maddening situation often experienced when traveling. A nearer radio station with a stronger signal replaces the station you are listening to, often at the most inopportune moment; and for a short time, you alternate between competing programming. Even with great effort, the fogged-up mirror can no longer be cleared. She lives with the impact of confusion and is unable to understand or tell anyone what is happening. 

As we prayed at the end of our visit, when I mentioned Heaven, she squeezed my hand as she has throughout our marriage; and I was aware, even though she was in her world, that we were communicating at a spiritual level:

For now (in this time of imperfection) we see in a mirror dimly (a blurred reflection, a riddle, an enigma), but then (when the time of perfection comes, we will see reality) face to face. Now I know in part (just in fragments), but then I will know fully, just as I have been fully known (by God) (I Corinthians 13:12 AMP).

Preparation for Service

It would be easy to recognize the preparation for perfection taking place in Linda’s life and miss the fact that God is using her journey to prepare me for greater service on earth: 

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope (Romans 5:3-4 NIV).

Jeffery wanted to be like his hero, and I want to be like my Master!