Blessings

I enjoy blessing others with words of encouragement, praise, and thankfulness for who they are and what they do; however, when such words are directed toward me, I tend to think the speaker must not know me very well. This was especially true in my youth, as I struggled with feelings of inadequacy and continually sought to raise the performance bar one notch higher. Thankfully, God has used the disappointments of life to open my eyes to his sufficiency and called me to rest in his strength. This week, as I celebrated my seventy-eighth birthday, I had to remind myself to receive the blessings my friends and family bestowed, refuse to allow my self to mourn over those things which I cannot change, and embrace the future:

Receive the Blessings 

Throughout the week, God allowed a steady stream of birthday wishes to come my way; each connected me with treasured memories. Unable to share all, I am going to limit them to my children, from youngest to oldest: 

• Stephanie: I’m so thankful you’re my Daddy. Even at 51, I still see and glean, all I know and can, from what you taught us! You’re Amazing! I love you!

• Sam: Thank you so much for all your wisdom and Godly insight! I am so glad you’re in my life! Love you.

• Michael: Protector. Defender. Hero. Friend. Happy birthday to a guy who’s all the super stuff rolled into one. I love you!

• Melinda: We couldn’t love you more. You continue to be a great example of how Christ loves the Church, as you love Mom and us so well. Praying this year is a wonderful one.

• Bob: Love you Dad – Honored to be your son (in-law) and inspired by your example.

Refuse to Mourn

When suffering with Alzheimer’s, no two days are the same; this week was not an exception. Early on, I conferred with the nurses at Legacy Village and Linda’s Primary Care Provider to determine if incontinence is now an issue. They agreed that the disease is progressing and a new regimen was put into place: During waking hours, she is to be taken to the restroom every two hours and before bedtime. This will provide a definitive answer. The goal is for her to remain independent as long as possible.

On Wednesday, we both enjoyed visiting in her world. Upon bringing her the newly repaired family pictures that had become tattered or broken from repeated falls, she seemed pleased and thanked me for what I had done. For the next thirty minutes, we followed our usual pattern of singing and telling stories, frequently changing the pace so that she would not become distracted. However, it soon became apparent that something was different: When singing about Heaven, I asked, “Have you ever seen Jesus?” To my surprise, she said, “Yes,” and tried to tell me what she had seen. Seeing that she was unable to do so, I shared with her that each night I asked the Lord to help her have wonderful dreams about her Heavenly home. I then asked a question I had not previously asked: “Do you ever pray for me?” Without hesitating, she said, “Yes!” I don’t want to read too much into our conversation; however, even with her increasingly limited ability to communicate, I left feeling this was one of the most spiritual times we had enjoyed since she became a resident at Legacy Village.

The next day, as I quietly told her, “Today is my birthday,” wonderful memories of home- cooked meals, my favorite desserts, and carefully chosen gifts filled my mind. I desperately wanted my precious wife to make me feel special, as she had faithfully done in the past. By focusing on my desire for things to be as they once were, I almost missed the best present she now has to offer: She flashed her beautiful smile and excitedly wished me, “Happy Birthday!”

Embrace the Future

In Psalm 77: 3-6 (NIV), Asaph speaks directly to my present situation: 

I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
I meditated, and my spirit grew faint. 
You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
I thought about the former days,
 the years of long ago;
I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart meditated and my spirit asked:“Will the Lord reject forever?    Will he never show his favor again? 

Four years ago, God impressed upon my heart: “I love Linda more than you do. She is mine and you are to trust her to me!” Since then, two things have become increasingly clear: First, he plans to heal her in heaven and not on earth. Secondly, he intends to continue transformation in the two of us, and suffering is a part of that process.