Prior to Linda’s developing Alzheimer’s, I thought I was prepared to help others understand what happens between birth and death. However, after helplessly watching normal growth and development be reversed as she slowly moves toward infancy, I am humbled by how little I know! At this point in our journey, there are two truths which I unequivocally offer to caregivers and families of Alzheimer’s patients: Follow with your heart as your loved one teaches you wonderful lessons that cannot be learned apart from suffering. And, as the lights of this world grow dimmer for your loved one, allow God to make the lights of Heaven grow brighter for you.

Drinking from a Fire Hose

In the past several weeks, the rapidity of the lessons being learned could be compared to drinking water from a fire hose. Chronicling my visits with Linda, the following excerpts from my journal illustrate this point:

• When I saw her, she had just left the hair salon, and was so beautiful. Upon seeing me, she patted the arm of her chair with joy. She had a wonderful time singing, and listening to my stories. When I started to leave, she expressed a desire for me to stay; however, upon returning to her room, she thought I had just arrived and told me she was glad I had come. Later, I noted, “I love her so much and am aware she is slowly slipping away… Committed to her homegoing, I praise God she will never be confused again!”

• Sitting in the Theatre Room when I came, she wanted to go visit with me; however, when we got to her room, she immediately needed to use the bathroom. After cleaning her, straightening her clothes, and combing her hair, I told a story of how we met. She frequently interrupted to talk to “Imaginary Persons.” Other times, she quietly sat with a faraway look in her eyes. When sharing with Bob Crick the pain I had felt during my visit, he provided profound insight. Reflecting on his journey with his wife Jeanette, who is now with the Lord, he stated: “For us it is but a short time; for them it is twenty-four hours a day.”

• She was using the bathroom when I arrived. While tidying her up, I found feces on her outfit and used a wet wipe to remove it. Then, after combing her hair, we left the room and had a wonderful time in the courtyard. I told animated stories, which she thoroughly enjoyed. Repeatedly laughing, she said, “You crazy thing!” Several times she tried to tell me a story, but could not connect words to her intent. Near the end of our visit, she warmed my heart with a very short sentence, “I love you!”

• Almost the entire time I was with her, we walked laps up and down the hallway. Even though she talked very little, I got the message she needed me to calm her anxieties. On one occasion, she said, “I’m glad I have you!” Emotionally and mentally exhausted from a grueling workday, coupled with not having had a proper lunch, I tried unsuccessfully to leave; however, she asked me to take her with me. Therefore, I stayed and walked some more. Finally, a caregiver sensing my dilemma, distracted her so that I could go. Seeing her so upset and having to leave in that manner, ripped my heart apart!

Our Destiny is Becoming Clearer

Last Friday, in preparation for having the picture taken which accompanies today’s blog, I combed Linda’s hair and ran a lint roller over her clothes. Quite unexpectedly, she said, “I’ll be glad when we can live together at our house.” Once in the courtyard, while helping her get situated in the rocking chair, she said, “I’m so glad I have you!” Surprised, I responded, “You have made my day!” Our visit could not have been better: While singing from the old Red Back Hymnal, as well as some of her favorite children’s songs, she held my hand, affectionately rubbed my arm, and expressed her love for me. It was a glimpse of the life we once had, but so much more precious and purer.

Even though the locale, scenario, and destination are dissimilar, considering Linda’s reverse journey back through the life span, the chorus from a Waylon Jennings’s song captures the moment:

Singing old church hymns and nursery rhymes
From the days way back before my time
With a little child upon my knee
Singing every sweet word back to me
Look how far I had to come
To get back where I started from
With a child’s wisdom passin’ time
Singing old church hymns and nursey rhymes

As the lights of this world grow dimmer for Linda, God is making the lights of Heaven grow brighter for me!