Prior to the opening of Legacy Village, complications from a previous surgery occurred, after I was given incorrect medication. When the long-awaited day, October 1, 2018, arrived, Linda was one of the first persons to be admitted. In the morning, our daughter Stephanie and I spent several hours helping her adjust to her new home. That evening I went to the emergency room, where a CT scan revealed that infection had spread to my kidneys. Thankfully, an efficacious antibiotic was prescribed and recovery began. Three days later, I was able to visit Linda. She greeted me with her trademark smile and a big hug. I was able to catch my breath and rejoice that a new chapter in our long journey had started.

Last Friday, determined to not allow the events of three years ago to negatively impact my feelings, I excitedly looked forward to seeing Linda’s smile and hoped that I might receive a hug. Getting out of my car, I immediately became aware that a fire drill was taking place. When I was finally able to see her, she was enjoying a video of some of her favorite Christian singers. Smiling sweetly, she reached out her hand and signaled she wanted to continue what she was doing instead of visiting with me. At worst, this situation could be considered a minor inconvenience; however, it did provide an opportunity for me to reflect upon those major upheavals so common in the life of a caregiver to an Alzheimer’s patient. For me, the larger issue is learning how to set aside my personal feelings, productively act, and avoid useless reaction. Let’s explore this challenge through three lenses: life goes on, obedience to God, and choosing action over reaction.

Life Goes On

Reportedly, on his eightieth birthday, Robert Frost was asked, “In all your years and all your travels, what do you think is the most important thing you’ve learned about life?” His answer was noteworthy for its brevity: “It goes on.” In my opinion, it did not reflect that he had won four Pulitzer Prizes and enjoyed the acclaim of the world. Rather, it flowed out of a personal life marked by tragedy: He lost both his parents at a young age and outlived four of his six children before losing his wife. When suffering touches your life, you are never the same. Inevitably, you grow as a person and are enabled to impact others with greater effectiveness, or you become embittered, develop a victim mentality, and shrink in influence. Even though I greatly admire Frost’s life story, this brief excerpt does not address the issue of God’s sovereignty and man’s obedience.

Obedience to God

Compounding the everyday challenges facing the life of a caregiver to an Alzheimer’s patient is the never-ending cacophony of fear alarms being sounded by the media. Last Friday, the very same day addressed in my introduction, the Weather Channel issued a dire warning that California farmers may not have enough water to grow next year’s crops. I am not discounting the severity of our present climate issues; however, at the same time, I am questioning why the providence of God does not seem to be a part of the conversation. Consider this roughly 4000-year-old narrative:

A severe famine now struck the land, as had happened before in Abraham’s time…When Isaac planted his crops that year, he harvested a hundred times more grain than he planted, for the Lord blessed him (Genesis 26 :1,12 NLT).

Space does not allow a full exposition of this scripture; however, it should be noted that when Isaac was faced with impending disaster, he chose to be obedient to God and enjoyed bountiful blessings.

Choosing Action Over Reaction

In the fall of 2003, I noticed almost imperceptible signs that Linda was having difficulty with her memory. Thankfully, we chose to follow a course of action that had served us well while raising a family and fulfilling our ministerial responsibilities: act, don’t react. The recently taken picture accompanying today’s blog, along with excerpts from last Thursday’s journal entries, illustrates that even though significant physical, cognitive, and emotional changes have taken place in the past three years, her engagement in life, love for God, and desire to live in Heaven remain constant: 

• After finishing playing bat the balloon with her group, we went to her room. When she indicated that she was tired, I placed a pillow in her chair so she could rest her head. Much to my delight, she leaned back and sang with me from the Red Back Hymnal for over thirty minutes.

• As we worshipped together, she seemed to grasp all the spiritual components. When singing a song she especially enjoyed, she would gently reach for my hand and sweetly say, “That is good.”