Effectively serving as a primary caregiver to a person suffering from Alzheimer’s requires flexibility and a willingness to try new things. For the past eighteen years, especially the last six, a significant portion of my life has been spent in searching for answers. Unexpectedly, in the past year and a half, I have observed that the challenges surrounding Alzheimer’s are a microcosm of the challenges facing the whole of society. Hold on to that observation, as I develop my thoughts around three questions: 

Is There a Way Forward?

Last Monday, after a wonderful awareness of the presence of the Holy Spirit during my morning devotions, I reflected on the fact that it was my father’s 111^th birthday. It never crossed my mind that in the next twelve hours, I would receive disturbing news: Stephanie, my youngest daughter, and her husband, Sam, while vacationing in Wyoming, had tested positive for COVID and were enroute to Denver to seek medical help. My youngest sister and her husband had both contracted COVID and were very sick. My nephew had been found dead in his apartment, and my older brother was having a very difficult time accepting his great loss.

That night, with my head spinning in disbelief, I reminded myself that God was just as near in the midst of my calamity as He had been during my joy earlier in the morning. A specific promise of Jesus broke into my confusion: “…Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world” (John 16:33b NLT).

These events, though not directly related to the overarching theme of my blog, Dementia – Walking Victoriously Through the Long Goodbye, nevertheless, illustrate my contention that in these disturbing times, the challenges surrounding Alzheimer’s are a microcosm of the challenges facing the whole of society.

What Does Effectiveness Look Like?

Learning to be an effective caregiver to my precious wife can best be described as stumbling through a process of trial and error. However, gradually, I am learning three things which God has been seeking to instill into the warp and woof of my being since I was a teenager: Without Him, I can do nothing! Through Him, all things are possible! His Grace is sufficient in all situations! This week, Linda’s diverse behaviors provided an opportunity for me to see how well I am living out these great truths. The following excerpts from my journal illustrate the process:

• Tuesday – While watching a National Geographic video, she tried several times to tell me something, but could not get the words and meanings to agree. Later, near the end of our daily walk, she turned to me and very clearly stated, “I don’t think you know how much I love you.” When the evening meal arrived, I seated her at the table and told her, “I will come to see you tomorrow.” She searchingly looked at me and said, “When?” It hurts so badly when I know she wants me to stay.

• Thursday – Linda consistently responds, “Yes,” when asked if she is happy.  Today was different; when I arrived, she was crying. After telling her how much she is loved, singing some of her favorite songs, and telling a couple of familiar stories, her beautiful smile appeared. However, I knew the underlying confusion was just beneath the surface. Therefore, I asked her, “Why were you unhappy?” With confusion etched on her face, using a mixture of incomplete sentences while pointing with her fingers, she tried to tell me that things were chaotic. Taking a stab at interpreting, I asked, “Are you upset because you are trying to get your thoughts together and can’t?” Amazingly, a flash of understanding reflected in her eyes, as she said, “Yes.” I then reiterated a simple explanation I have often given when she could not figure out what was happening to her: “You have a disease which is causing you to have difficulty remembering things, but I promised I would take care of you, and I have.” We prayed; then, I walked with her for a while.

What Can Be Learned?

My first question stands alone and needs no clarification. However, my second question deserves further consideration: I firmly believe it is a mistake to assume that as Alzheimer’s patients near the end of their journey, they are incapable of brief moments of cognitive clarity. For this reason, I take advantage of every opportunity to make Linda feel special, loved, comforted, and respected. Please know, I am very aware that moments after last Thursday’s interactions with her, she had forgotten my interpretation as to what was taking place in her life; however, I am equally aware that during that short time frame, she was comforted and the fog briefly lifted.