Take a look at the picture accompanying today’s blog. As long as such a call benefits the team we are rooting for, the drama surrounding the umpire’s decision inevitably brings us to our feet with cheers and prolonged applause. Thankfully, our decisions very seldom have to be made in a split second and are not surrounded with such fanfare. Nevertheless, there are two very important similarities: the basis for the call must rest upon well-defined criteria, and there is always the possibility of error. With that in mind, I am going to share my decision-making process and discuss three calls that have greatly benefitted me in my quest to effectively serve as a caregiver to my precious Linda.
Decision-Making Process
I have never intentionally made bad decisions. However, a perusal of my early years might bring that statement into question. In retrospect, my approach to decision making sometimes resembled a cross between a hunch and flying by the seat of my pants. Gary Inrig’s Hearts of Iron, Feet of Clay, introduced me to five clear biblical principles that changed my life:
- God does not give us guidance, as much as He gives us a Guide. He does not want to be seen as a heavenly computer spitting out answers to the questions we upload. Rather, He wishes to relate to us as a loving Father, who is calling us into a personal relationship with Himself.
- Guidance is based on the principles and precepts of the Word of God. In it we find specific, direct commands, which are His requirements for His children; and, general principles, which apply to many areas of life. Combined, they provide a clear picture of God’s will.
- Guidance is confirmed through the indwelling peace of God. When we are following Him, this peace is often found in the middle of turmoil, and signals that we have made the right call. Anxiety gives way to joy.
- Guidance is communicated through the desires God gives us. Living in fellowship with the Lord produces a wonderful benefit. He plants compulsions and desires in our heart. When we unreservedly submit to our Guide, the fear of being pushed into an unpleasant situation is replaced by an awareness that His will is acceptable and pleasant.
- Guidance comes through the counsel of other believers. If confirmation is needed, seek out a mature, spiritual believer and share your heart. After respectfully listening, if doubts persist, revisit the above guidelines. God is never the author of confusion!
Three Memorable Calls
Walking through the “long goodbye” with Linda continually forces me to make decisions we once made together. After realizing that bemoaning my plight accomplished nothing, I resolved to make good calls. Three big ones are at the top of my list:
- Admit that I cannot do it alone. In the early years, the effects of Linda’s dementia were minimal and could, at worst, be described as a minor inconvenience. However, as the disease progressed, I adopted the philosophy of my father, a product of the Great Depression: “When you hit a wall, back up, take a running start, and hit it again!” Interestingly, my isolation was in direct opposition to a cardinal concept in my understanding of how the body of Christ is to function: “Share each other’s troubles and problems, and so obey our Lord’s command” (Galatians 6:2 TLB). Coming to the end of my sufficiency, I reached out and the response has been wonderful.
- Change the focus of medical care. When Linda finally agreed to see a doctor, we began a seemingly endless routine of examinations, tests, procedures and conflicting diagnoses. This was time-consuming, stressful for her, frustrating to me, and enormously expensive. Renee Collins, owner of At Home Primary Care, listened to my story, wisely offered a care plan that focused on Linda’s comfort and quality of life, and removed the emphasis on the elusive diagnosis. Within weeks, she was calmer, more peaceful than she had been in years, and I was able to begin the slow process of getting my body back together. When she became a resident at Legacy Village, their Purposeful Day program complemented what had already begun.
- Tell Our Story to Help Others. In the past eighteen years, I have chronicled Linda’s struggle with what would eventually be diagnosed as Alzheimer’s. Sharing tidbits of the journey with three persons who are very near and dear to me, each of them, unaware of what the others were saying, urged me to recognize that our story should be shared with the body of Christ, especially those who are at various stages of a similar journey. Being a very private person, sixty-five weeks ago, I overcame my fears of being misunderstood, or even worse ignored, and posted my first blog. The response has exceeded my expectations!
Ron Harvard Ministries 