Heeding the wise counsel of my children, and giving a nod to common sense, I am revisiting, with some updates, thoughts I expressed in a previous blog. Twenty-seven years ago, an overly developed sense of responsibility, an unrealistic work schedule, and an unwillingness to accept my limitations caused me to ignore all the warning signs and brought me perilously close to collapse. I promised myself I would never again let that happen; however, old habits are hard to break. Three years ago, I received a wake-up call when Linda’s Primary Care Provider said, “I am not worried about your wife. She is receiving great care. You are the one I am worried about.” Even though I heard her, knowing this horrible disease will eventually take Linda’s life creates within me an overwhelming desire to spend quality time with her and see that all her needs are met. Accomplishing this, without destroying myself in the process, requires me to continually recharge my spiritual, emotional and physical batteries. In all honesty, in recent weeks, I have done a poor job in carrying out this ideal. Therefore, my children lovingly reminded me that I am not “Superman.”
Compassion Originates in God
Conscientious caregivers to dementia patients, desiring to relieve the suffering of their loved ones, often attempt to go it alone. Two millennia ago, the Apostle Paul, personally familiar with suffering, shared a truth that is still applicable:
All praises belong to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he is the Father of tender mercy and the God of endless comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3 TPT).
Receiving and Sharing Comfort
As I watch the caregiving team at Legacy Village faithfully meet the needs of those whom many consider unnecessary, I am increasingly aware that they grasp something unregenerate persons cannot understand and that the Church sometimes tends to forget. In a seemingly endless cycle they make sure nutritional needs are met, medicines are dispensed, hygiene requirements are satisfied, fingernails are painted, time in the garden is provided, appointments to the hair salon are kept, and participation in worship is made available. They demonstrate, perhaps without even realizing it, God’s plan for alleviating suffering. This week, after much reflection, I determined it is time for me to lean more heavily upon a truth that I have known for a long time: God placed these wonderful people in my life because He never intended for me to go it alone!
Taking a Fresh Look at My Role
Now, let’s return to a statement I made in the opening paragraph: “…knowing this horrible disease will eventually take Linda’s life creates within me an overwhelming desire to spend quality time with her and see that all her needs are met. Accomplishing this, without destroying myself in the process, requires me to continually recharge my spiritual, emotional and physical batteries.” After my children reminded me that I am not invincible and my aching joints corroborated their warnings, I am taking a fresh look at my role. Moving Linda into Legacy Village did not relieve me of my responsibility to care for her. It simply redefined my role as primary caregiver. Having others attend to her physical, social and, to some degree, emotional and spiritual needs, was supposed to allow me to enjoy quality time with her and compile memories to cherish long after she has gone to be with our Lord. Two recent visits provide a glimpse of those memories:
11/10/21 – When I arrived, Linda was showing a new family a little stuffed animal. Gently directing her away, I told her how beautiful she was and that I was so glad to see her. To my delight, she slipped her arm around my back, as she has so many times over the years, and gave me a hug. Later, I was brought back to reality, as she tried to tell me something, but could not connect words to her thoughts.
11/11/21 – Every six months, our dental hygienist of many years, as an act of ministry, comes to clean Linda’s teeth. This time, she brought with her a beautiful bouquet of purple roses; however, her greatest gift was the love and patience she displayed. This visit was different: Linda is no longer able to understand the directions for rinsing and spitting. Therefore, the picture accompanying today’s blog is very special because it speaks louder than words: Linda, very pleased that her teeth are once again sparkling clean, shows off her trademark smile.
Reflecting upon visits such as these brings me great joy! At the same time, the progress of the disease, when not viewed against the backdrop of eternity, creates great pain. Therefore, I must remember, when tempted to despair, which is often, to turn my thoughts toward the God of endless comfort.
Ron Harvard Ministries 