Time governs every aspect of our existence. Ordinarily, the ticking of a clock brings joy as an eagerly anticipated event draws nearer, and sadness is experienced if that event is delayed. At the other end of the spectrum, anxiety, or even despair, becomes a reality when facing unknown events and timelines. In those moments, followers of Christ are often told by well- meaning fellow believers, “Trust God!” Today, I will revisit a time when God, not a fellow believer, called me to trust Him in a situation that threatened to shatter my very life. Having shared the basics of that encounter in my August 30, 2020 blog, I will add additional elements with the intent of demonstrating that God’s call for trust is a call to process:
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good (Romans 8:26- 28 MSG).
Unknown Events and Timelines
Fearing what lay ahead, as Linda’s symptoms progressed from a minor inconvenience to an unwelcome fog that dominated every facet of our lives, my prayers moved from polite requests to persistent and consistent intercession. Never one to do anything halfheartedly, it is not an exaggeration to say that I spent dozens, if not hundreds, of hours praying for her to be healed. In order to make sure that my faith rested upon biblical truth, I revisited the scriptural references supporting healing that I had believed, taught and preached throughout my ministry. Additionally, I read books that focused on God’s power and desire to heal His people, and I sought understanding by studying the great healing crusades of the past, as well as the lives of the men and women who led them. Simply put, I covered all the bases.
Call for Trust is a Call to Process
In the spring of 2017, the fog of dementia was continuing to descend upon Linda at an unprecedented rate, creating uncertainty about what I should do next. So, I determined, in the midst of the chaos, to increase my efforts to secure an answer from God. At that point, I did not understand that He had been speaking; however, my preconceived ideas as to how He would answer had short-circuited my capacity to hear Him.
Then, I unexpectedly experienced an amazing breakthrough that transformed my thinking and, ultimately, my life. In the early morning hours, while Linda was sleeping in our bedroom and I was at the other end of the house, lying on the floor in the hallway, God very clearly impressed upon my heart: “I love Linda more than you do. She is Mine, and you are to entrust her to Me.” As the truth sank in, I began the process of surrendering my will to God’s. In the coming weeks and months, two things became increasingly clear: First, He planned to heal her in heaven and not on earth. Secondly, He intended to continue transformation in the two of us, and suffering was a part of that process. Slowly, it became clear to me that my years of intercession for her healing were not based on what was best for Linda. Instead, it was all about me. I did not want to give her up; I wanted things to be as they had been in the past!
Struggling with the Process
Nearly five years later, I wish I could say that everything has been smooth sailing since that eventful night when God clarified His plans for Linda and me. It would be a neat story; however, it would not be truthful. In the past several months, Linda has continued to move more slowly and to have greater difficulty communicating. More recently, our visits have been a study in contrasts. On Friday, as I prepared to leave, she said, “I love you,” lifted my hand to her lips and softly kissed it. Conversely, during Saturday’s visit, her eyes reflected confusion as she tried to figure out why I was leaving. As the hands on the clock move ever closer to midnight, I sometimes experience anxiety and even despair. However, I am aware that I cannot stop the ticking of the clock; I am equally aware that Linda’s last breath on this earth will immediately free her to forever be in the presence of the One who loves her more than I do! She will never again be confused!
Ron Harvard Ministries 