I have no way of knowing whether Linda will be with me for days, months or years; however, I would be in complete denial to not realize that the end of her battle with Alzheimer’s is drawing nearer. In last week’s blog, I stated:
“As the hands on the clock move ever closer to midnight, I sometimes experience anxiety and even despair. However, I am aware that I cannot stop the ticking of the clock; I am equally aware that Linda’s last breath on this earth will immediately free her to forever be in the presence of the One who loves her more than I do! She will never again be confused!”
Understanding how I could speak with such conviction necessitates going back to June 1963. In two short months, Linda and I were to be married in Richmond, Kentucky; with 1679 miles separating me from seeing her beautiful face and smelling her sweet perfume, I needed reassurance that I was following the will of God and not just my own desire. Therefore, I climbed up a mountain outside Salt Lake City, Utah, and shared my concerns with God. I will forever remember the clear directions I received as He spoke to me through His Word. Later, after sharing what I had received with Linda, we agreed upon the framework for our future:
Our Marriage Would Be a Team Effort
In the early years, that was easier said than done. My attention to detail and her spontaneity blended like oil and water. Over time, especially after the children were grown and we could think clearly, it became obvious that her spontaneity prompted fun moments that I would have passed over and formed the basis for so much joy during the holidays. Conversely, my attention to detail allowed us to plan and complete projects that were necessary for success.
Family Would Be Our Top Priority
As a boy, I remember hearing my pastor say that his ministry came first and family came second. None of his children followed Christ. Before our children were born, Linda and I determined that we would seek to avoid that mistake. That is not to imply that we were always successful. On more than one occasion, we inadvertently failed and had to ask for forgiveness. Today, we have a growing family of 20 descendants. Though not perfect, each is committed to Christ. Not only have Linda and I been blessed to see our children’s children, we are now seeing our grandchildren’s children — two and counting!
We Would Adhere to a Biblical Worldview
Foundational to our beliefs is the reality that out of all the nations on earth, God chose Israel to bring redemption to humankind. Even though I academically grasped this truth early in my ministry, at best, it was polite adherence. With Linda, it was an entirely different matter; she grasped it at the very core of her being, and her zeal in making it known, especially to me, can be understood in terms of the widow and the unjust judge. Rather than risk being beaten black and blue, I began to listen with my heart. Obviously, I am relating this somewhat in jest; however, in reality, I have moved from polite adherence to wholehearted commitment. If she were aware of the recent easing of tensions between Israel and certain parts of the Arab world, her rejoicing would be immense.
Changing Circumstances Are a Fact, Not A Probability
Happiness unfolds when we embrace life as a process: Fear God, live out His precepts, and love that which He loves. The truth and beauty of all this was challenged when dementia slowly took away Linda’s ability to provide fun moments for family gatherings, rejoice over discovering that great-grandchildren are even more wonderful than grandchildren, and discuss the evidence that all history points toward fulfillment in Christ. All of this was tough, but my having to take over the responsibility for making all the decisions that we had once made together has been agonizingly painful.
The need to make really tough decisions seems to be coming with increasing rapidity. In the last several months, in meetings with Linda’s Primary Care Provider and key management personnel at Legacy Village, her level of care has been upgraded to maximum supervision. The beginning of incontinence and difficulties with her bowels are sending signals that, at a time none of us can predict, an upgrade to the top level of care, maximum assistance, will be necessary.
Accepting and embracing what lies ahead is made easier when I consider two mountains: the one outside Salt Lake City, Utah where God assured me that marrying Linda was ordained by Him; and the one accompanying today’s blog which depicts me crying out to God: “Not my will, but Yours be done!”
Ron Harvard Ministries 