I ended the first installment of this three-part series by noting, “For me, the picture accompanying today’s blog accurately portrays my situation; I identify with the older man holding the hand of the love of his life. Surely, he is thinking that just above those thick clouds, the sun is brightly shining!” I will expand those very personal feelings under two headings: facing my fears and a divine visitation.
Facing My Fears
Linda’s long struggle with Alzheimer’s can best be described as a downward trajectory punctuated by crises, followed by plateaus. The unresponsiveness which precipitated her recent visit to the Emergency Room is in keeping with that pattern; however, there is a notable difference: Components from several previous crises are evident in this new plateau. The efforts presently being made to prevent painful impactions cannot be separated from her previous difficulties with an Ileus. Likewise, the swelling in her ankles is reminiscent of the discovery of the beginning of mild heart failure. Finally, while watching a caregiver help Linda out of a chair, take her by both hands and slowly lead her to the dinner table, an incident from 2017, while I was still caring for Linda at home, flooded my mind: After our daily ride, she was unable to get out of the car. With great effort, I was able to get her out, but she could not walk; taking her by both hands and walking backwards, I led her up the steps, into the house and placed her on the sofa. After soundly sleeping for twenty minutes, she awakened with no memory of what had just happened. Even though I have long been aware that this horrible disease is slowly taking her life and have, as much as possible, prepared myself for what is yet to come, I am being forced to face my fears anew.
A Divine Visitation
Last Wednesday evening, ravaged by grief, I desperately wanted to speak with a friend or family member. Instead, I decided to drive by Linda’s window and see if her light was on. On my way over, I began listening to a profound, yet simple sermon. A challenge was issued to forgive others as Christ has forgiven us. I quickly surveyed my life to see if I harbored unforgiveness against anyone. Feeling that I passed the test, I was ready to rejoice when the Holy Spirit forcefully reminded me that I seldom forgive myself so readily; and, in reality, my reluctance is an expression of self-sufficiency and a rejection of Christ’s freely-offered grace. By then, aware that a divine visitation was taking place, I passed Legacy Village and continued driving for some time. To my amazement, doubting that it could get any better, the sermon ended and a female vocalist, with the voice of an angel, sang a rendition of Andrae Crouch’s “Through It All”:
I’ve had many tears and sorrows,
I’ve had questions for tomorrow,
There’s been times I didn’t know right from wrong.
But in every situation,
God gave me blessed consolation,
That all my trials come to only make me strong.
I’ve been to lots of places,
I’ve seen a lot of faces,
There’s been times I felt so all alone,
But in my lonely hours,
Yes, those precious lonely hours,
Jesus let me know that I was His own.
I thank God for the mountains,
And I thank Him for the valleys,
I thank Him for the storms He has brought me through.
For if I’d never had a problem,
I wouldn’t know God could solve them.
I’d never know what faith in God could do.
Through it all,
Through it all,
I’ve learned to trust in Jesus,
I’ve learned to trust in God.
Through it all,
Through it all,
I’ve learned to depend upon His Word.
When the song ended, the Holy Spirit brought two wonderful truths to my memory:
- For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God (2 Corinthians 1:20 NIV).
- The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory (Romans 8:16,17 NIV).
I returned home filled with awe and thanksgiving unto God that His knowledge and timing are perfect. An hour earlier, I had left, desperately wanting to speak with a friend or family member; however, the Holy Spirit had something far greater in store for me — He had chosen to reassure me that in every situation, Christ’s amazing grace and presence are always more than enough!
Ron Harvard Ministries 