Transitioning

Hindsight is 20/20! Acknowledging that truism, I am circling back to the ending of last week’s blog with the intent of providing clarity and urging primary caregivers not to repeat a mistake that I made. At that time, the thoughts that I shared under “Circumventing Confusion” were relevant, yet incomplete. I am restating that material, with significant changes, under “Expanding the Caregiving Team.” Then, giving insight into the mistake I made, I will share additional information under “Planning for the End of Life.”

Expanding the Caregiving Team

During my many years of serving as Linda’s primary caregiver, I have tried to prepare her, as well as myself, for that time when suffering shall give way to glorious healing as she transitions from this life into the wonders of heaven. The beauty of the emerging butterfly, shown in the picture accompanying this week’s blog, provides an earthly hint of that magnificent heavenly reality. Robert Jefferies describes my motivation for this work of love, “… what we do on earth today reverberates in the halls of heaven forever.” Even though I rejoice in what God has enabled me to do thus far, the events of recent months, especially the last three weeks, have forced me to reevaluate my reluctance to begin preparations for end of life care. Therefore, after prayerful consideration, the Hearth Hospice team has been chosen to assist Linda’s Primary Care Provider, the Legacy Village team, and my family during this time of transition. Two factors were foundational to this decision:

Waiting until a crisis occurs will not be beneficial for Linda.

Proactively preparing for the inevitable will give Linda time to adjust to and, following her usual pattern, learn to love each member of her new team of caregivers. Likewise, the new team will have ample time to get to know Linda and establish a baseline for her present physical, emotional, and cognitive capacities. This will enable them to more easily identify decline, provide effective care, and serve as a resource for understanding the process of dying.

Should I die first, my children will be better prepared to care for their mother.

In order to alleviate any anxieties regarding Linda’s care, our wonderful children have assured me that if I should be called home before their mother, her present quality of care would continue unabated. I believe them, but being aware of the many things that I do each day and knowing they live in three separate cities, I have been concerned about the negative impact this increased responsibility would have upon their own families. Now, having a registered nurse case manager, a social worker, and a certified nursing assistant added to the caregiving team eases my concerns. 

Planning for the End of Life

On numerous occasions, my children and I have informally discussed various components of Linda’s end of life celebration and final resting place: appropriate songs, speakers, pictures to be included in the video, selection of a burial site, etc. However, with the finality of hospice flooding my mind, not wanting to be caught off guard, and, if I am honest with myself, spare my children additional grief, I impetuously, which is totally out of character for me, made an appointment on Tuesday to complete the preliminary arrangements for Linda’s end of life celebration. Big mistake! Two hours after beginning the process, I left the funeral home feeling as if I had been hit by a freight train. I had totally underestimated the collective emotional and physical impact of the past few years, especially the last three weeks. Several hours later, by phone, I shared with my children what had been completed, and we filled in all the missing gaps. Thankfully, they were kind in their reminders that they would have gladly accompanied me, which I already knew. Looking back at nearly fifty-nine years of marriage, I can assure you that their mother would not have been so reticent in sharing her thoughts about my ill-conceived bravado!

Jeffrey is buried at Sunset Memorial Gardens. At the time of his death, Linda and I did not have the finances to purchase two extra gravesites and had relegated ourselves to hoping that when the need arose, we would be able to find sites in some other section. On countless occasions over the past forty-four years, she and I stood by his grave and imagined what that hillside will look like when the rapture occurs. Even though we considered other cemeteries, the desire to be buried near him never left us. On Thursday, I made an appointment to select a burial site and learned that a decision had recently been made to close an access road and provide additional spaces near where Jeffrey is buried. God had reserved two spaces and the funds to purchase them just for us!