Linda became a resident at Legacy Village on October 1, 2018. Nearly two years later, while preparing to post my first blog, I wrote:
In the last two years, as the lights of this world have grown dimmer for Linda, the lights of Heaven are growing brighter. She talks often of wanting to go live with Jesus. As I try to envision the future without her, of one thing I am certain, she would want me to share those truths that we have known to a broader audience.
At that time, I never dreamed that I would be blessed to still have Linda with me. After looking back through all that I have written, I have chosen to revise and update “Adapting to the Moment,” which was originally published on August 29, 2021.
Framing the Struggle
When a loved one is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, it is normal for the family, as well as for the sufferer, to ask, “Why?” As would be expected, in the beginning Linda struggled more than I. After all, she was the one beginning an unplanned journey into the unknown, while I was, at that time, a mere observer. Gradually, two things enabled her to receive peace: While her cognitive abilities were still largely intact, she was able to grasp the relationship between human suffering and God’s sovereignty. Secondly, she received and believed Jesus’ promise that He would never leave or forsake her, and of lesser importance, my commitment to walk with her in sickness and in health until separated by death.
Soren Kierkegaard, a nineteenth-century Danish theologian, wisely noted, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Obviously, fulfilling that ideal requires believing that understanding will be gained in Heaven; in the meantime, we are called to successfully live in the present. Easier said than done, right? For me, the tipping point was concluding that serving as Linda’s primary caregiver required that “Why” must become subservient to “How”: How can I adjust my life so that I may honor God, receive the blessings to be found in this challenging new field of service, and grow spiritually in the process? Though the circumstances surrounding Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” were completely different than my challenge, the basic principle applies:
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to relieve me of this. But he answered me, “My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.” So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me (2 Corinthians 12:8-9 TPT).
Never knowing what might come next, for me, adapting to the moment became a top priority and continues to this day.
At Home
Prior to October 2016, our routines, with minor adjustments, continued as usual. Then, in a moment our lives were changed forever. Through no fault of her own, Linda, my precious wife, best friend, and ministry partner became a person I did not know. I was soon taking care of all my responsibilities, and, over loud protests, hers as well. With help from family, and, at a later time, paid caregivers, our lives returned to some semblance of normalcy as I played the role of husband, parent to a sometimes-unruly child, dispenser of hope, and coordinator of medical care. My most difficult assignment was occasionally being forced to be a stern father figure. Those moments were always followed by grieving on my part.
At Legacy Village
When Linda became a resident of Legacy Village, being a primary caregiver did not end. Rather, a shifting of focus took place. Much to my relief, Linda adjusted to her new home rather quickly. Surrounded by loving caregivers and fellow travelers into the unknown, she was soon enjoying life again. However, great challenges were ahead. On December 27, 2020, I wrote:
…the media, reflecting the desires of the average person, are focusing on a relevant question: When will things return to normal? In addition to a worldwide pandemic, we have faced racial unrest, deep divisions in government, and a record-setting number of storms and fires…Closer to home, our churches have been forced to shut down or operate under greatly reduced capacity, and I have not been able to have normal visits with Linda for the past eight months. For followers of Christ, a different question must be asked: Do I want, even if it would be possible, to return to things as they used to be, or do I want to better understand and submit to God’s plan for my life?
Closing with a little levity, the picture accompanying today’s blog, which was taken two weeks ago, verifies that when a great dessert is concerned, Linda has not changed at all!
Ron Harvard Ministries 