Linda and I have always believed that true happiness is found when we embrace life as a process: fear God, live out His precepts, and love that which He loves. Obviously, the truth and beauty of all this was challenged when Alzheimer’s slowly took away Linda’s ability to provide fun moments for family gatherings, rejoice over discovering that great-grandchildren are even more wonderful than grandchildren, and discuss the unfolding evidence that all history points toward fulfillment in Christ. I cannot describe how badly I miss those interactions; however, I am discovering that mourning my losses solves nothing and can cause me to miss out on those wonderful moments which God has prepared for me to enjoy. Earlier this week, I saw this truth revealed in a very special way.
A Divine Intervention
On July 27, 2019, I made the following entries in my journal: “I have not felt good today – unsure if it is stress or age. On this day forty-one years ago, Jeffery, my youngest son, was killed; on this day thirty-three years ago, I buried my father.” Four days later, on Jeffery’s forty-eighth birthday, I carried flowers to his grave and told him, even though I am aware he was not listening, that I was much closer to seeing him again, and that his mother would probably be there before me.
Last Wednesday, as the day unfolded, I had no reason to believe that anything would be different on July 27, 2022. That was about to change. During my afternoon visit, as I was nearing the door to the memory care unit at Legacy Village where Linda lives, one of the young caregivers excitedly told me, “Linda is talking today and has been all afternoon. Hurry inside so that you will not miss it.” Once inside, I received two surprises: First, Chaplain Riggs was leading singing. With the exception of Sundays, I have never seen him there in the afternoon. Secondly, I quickly became aware that the presence of the Holy Spirit was very real. Bringing back memories of the little church that I grew up in, Chaplain Riggs asked if anyone had a song they would like for the group to sing. I requested “An Unclouded Day.” Linda and I used to sing these words almost daily:
Oh, they tell me of a home far beyond the skies, Oh, they tell me of a home far away;
Oh, they tell me of a home where no storm clouds rise, Oh, they tell me of an unclouded day.
Oh, they tell me of a home where my friends have gone, Oh, they tell me of that land far away; Where the tree of life in eternal bloom sheds its fragrance through the unclouded day.
Oh, they tell me of the King in His beauty there, And they tell me that mine eyes shall behold, Where He sits on the throne that is whiter than snow, In the city that is made of gold.
Oh, they tell me that He smiles on His children there, And His smile drives their sorrows all away; And they tell me that no tears ever come again, In that lovely land of unclouded day.
When I thought that it could not get any better, after singing another song about how wonderful it will be to see Jesus, Linda loudly proclaimed, “Yes, it will!” In case I had not been blessed enough, later she and I went for a walk; upon reaching the end of the hall, she looked at me and said, “I love you. You are the best man in the world.” I am quite aware her hyperbole is totally unjustified; I am equally aware that, on this particular day, I needed to hear her affirmation.
God’s Creative Plan
For me, the picture accompanying today’s blog carries an incipient message: The book on the chair looks quite impressive; however, I have no way of knowing its contents. In fact, I cannot even clearly see the title. In the same way, I cannot understand why, against the backdrop of so many painful memories, God chose to break the pattern and bring me such joy. I can only rejoice in knowing that the whole of my life is much greater than the sum total of all my days on this earth:
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit them together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! It is amazing to think about. Your workmanship is marvelous—and how well I know it. You were there while I was being formed in utter seclusion! You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your book (Psalm 139:13-16 TLB)!
Ron Harvard Ministries 