Looks can be very deceiving! That is certainly true of the picture accompanying today’s blog, which was taken twenty days ago. Linda appears to be a very beautiful and healthy eighty-one-year-old lady. She is certainly very beautiful; however, she is not healthy. Helplessly, I have watched as Alzheimer’s has moved from being an inconvenience to a disease that is robbing my precious wife of her personality and will eventually take her life. Eight years ago, we moved into another phase of our journey into the “Long Goodbye,” and I became her primary caregiver. Has it been tough? You cannot imagine! There are days when I feel as if my spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical capacities have been drained and I can go no further.
Interestingly, God began preparing me for this season of my life several months before Linda and I got married. In the summer of 1963, while on a missionary outreach to Utah, I became acquainted with one of the greatest declarations of faith in God’s goodness that has ever been proclaimed: Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him… (Job 13:15a NIV). Two weeks before our wedding, I shared my thoughts on Job’s suffering and God’s power to transform in a sermon delivered at the Church of God in Richmond, Kentucky. The pastor, Linda’s father, was not present. He and his entire family were attending a wedding in Michigan. Amazingly, the congregation liked it, and her father did not renege on his commitment to give me her hand in marriage!
Summarizing the events of four recent days will provide insight into the ever-changing world that Linda now faces on a regular basis:
July 25
- As I visited with her three hours after the above picture was taken, she seemed glad to see me and held my hand; other than smiles and nods, she did not try to talk to me.
- While we were walking, she cried a couple of times; the outbursts did not seem to be related to any particular thought or feeling.
- When I told her that I would see her tomorrow, her expression indicated that she did not want me to go.
July 30
- After lunch, Linda lost her balance and fell backwards. A review of the films revealed that she had hit the back of her head on the hard tile floor.
- Within two hours, a significant lump had formed on the back of her head; however, there were no indications that she was experiencing neurological impairment.
- After an additional evaluation by the hospice nurse, it was determined that a visit to the Emergency Room was not warranted. There have been no lingering effects.
August 6
- She was glad to see me, asked me my name, and wanted to know if I had a mother. When I told her that I was her husband and she was my wife, she flashed her beautiful smile and settled down.
- I brought small scissors with me and a caregiver cut the hairs on Linda’s chin and nose. She seemed pleased when it was over and gave the caregiver an affectionate hug.
- When it was time for her evening meal, I prepared to leave. She did not want to let go of my hand, but she did so when I assured her that I would come again tomorrow.
August 9
- Even though we held hands, she seemed to be disconnected. When I told her all the usual things that I tell her each day, she alternately smiled or did not acknowledge that I was present.
- The Activities Director indicated that in the morning Linda had been very quiet and cried very little but that she had been very unsteady on her feet. After lunch, she perked up and played “bat the ball” a little.
- When I prepared to leave and told her that I would see her tomorrow, she seemed not to understand and did not respond. It was very painful to leave her.
Job and the Apostle Paul lived at least 2000 years apart; however, there is an obvious theological connection between Job’s proclamation, which I quoted earlier, and Paul’s understanding of the purpose of suffering: …we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28 NIV). For me, there are three significant takeaways:
- When we surrender to God’s plan for our lives, He will bring good out of all affliction, trials, persecution, and suffering.
- Our sorrows are never wasted. God uses each painful ordeal to conform us into the image of Jesus Christ.
- Personally, last week a friend sent me a note which makes it easy to understand these great truths: “Blessings as you continue this ‘Journey’ that is ultimately God’s own Journey.”
Ron Harvard Ministries 