Long-term caregivers to those who suffer from various forms of dementia constantly struggle with uncertainty: What will I face next? How can I meet the needs of my loved one without destroying myself in the process? Why do I sometimes feel as if I am riding an emotional roller coaster? Is it normal to feel so conflicted? We then up the ante by feeling guilty that such thoughts crossed our minds to start with! As I helplessly watch Alzheimer’s continue its relentless destruction of my precious wife, I am not immune to despair. In last week’s blog, I confessed, “In the natural realm, I am immersed in uncertainty and feel so alone.” Thankfully, the story does not end there. From ancient times, there has often been a disconnect between God’s promises and the willingness of His children to receive them. Obviously written to comfort the Israelites, at the same time, the following verses clearly point to the advent of Christ:
Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains!
For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.
But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me, The Lord has forgotten me.”
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the
palms of my hands; Your walls are ever before me (Isaiah 49: 13-16 NIV).
Donald C. Stamps identifies three great truths that twenty-first century believers can stand upon in the midst of overwhelming difficulty:
- God’s love for us is greater than the natural affection of a mother for her children. Therefore, it is unthinkable that He will forget us in times of despair and grief.
- His compassion for us will never fail. Regardless of life’s circumstances, He watches over us with great tenderness and love.
- The evidence of God’s great love is that the scars on the palms of His hand are always before His eyes as a reminder of His desire to care for us.
Eight weeks ago today, I had to decide between Linda’s having surgery to repair a fractured hip or her total immobilization to allow healing to take place. At that time, I had no way of knowing that with each passing week the anguish I felt would intensify. Neither did I realize that along the way a sense of purpose would slowly emerge and move to the forefront of my thinking.
Looking Back
The assessment of the Hearth Hospice Nurse and Legacy Village Assistant Residential Director covers all the bases:
- From a holistic standpoint, the majority of persons in Linda’s situation do not survive this long. Spiritually, it can only be understood as a miracle; physically, it can be attributed to the care that she has received.
- At some point, she will not rebound.
- Her life is in the hands of God!
Even though I wholeheartedly agree with their assessment, during this time frame, another story has been unfolding. At first, as I watched Linda be confined to bed with no capacity to understand what was happening to her or ability to tell anyone what she was feeling, paralyzing grief overwhelmed me. Then, I sensed the Holy Spirit encouraging me to beneficially use this time. Since then, reading the Psalms and praying with her have taken on a new meaning. I also realized that a series of one-sided conversations could bring closure to the final chapter in our “Long Goodbye.” Therefore, I have talked about our sixty years together and outlined what I think will take place in Heaven; I look forward to her filling me in on how much she grasped while quizzically looking at me or flashing her sweet smile.
Moving Forward
Another X-ray will be taken within the next two days to determine if the left femoral neck bone has healed and if it is still correctly located in the hip socket. If so, another round of uncertainties will arise: How much have her muscles atrophied? Will she be able to sit up in bed? Can she be taught to sit in a wheelchair? Will the world outside her room be overwhelming to her, or can she acclimate once again to being with her friends? With calm assurance, her medical team has stated, “We will cross one bridge at a time!”
In the midst of overwhelming adversity, Paul shows us how to move forward, For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the trouble we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen (2 Corinthians 4:17-18a NLT).
Ron Harvard Ministries 