As I sit by Linda’s bedside, directly in my sightline, just above her head a framed plaque, containing one of her life scriptures, reminds me of the essence of her being and the culmination of her hopes and dreams:
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever (Psalm 73: 25-26 NIV).
Growing up in a pastor’s home, she grasped a rudimentary understanding of the need for her life in Christ to be informed by the existence of Heaven. Throughout her adult life, these basics were expanded into a well-developed theology of end-time events. After the death of our youngest son Jeffery, her pursuit of God became intensely personal and purposeful. She never wanted to return to life as it had been. Believing that God wanted her time of trouble and sorrow to become foundational for understanding His greater plan, she intensified her quest to more fully know Him. One night, she startled me out of my sleep with these words: “Jeffery is not dead; he is alive!” My first inclination was to think that she may have snapped; however, that fear quickly gave way to rejoicing as she read: But regarding the resurrection of the dead, have you not read what was spoken to you by God: ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is not the God of the dead, but of the living” (Matthew 22:31-32 NASB).
My own belief system has been influenced by many gifted men and women. However, no one has ever taught — and continues to teach — me more about living out the life of Christ than Linda. Early in our journey into the “Long Goodbye,” a well-meaning physician tried to help me accept my new reality by saying, “Your life will never be the same.” Even though true, I sensed God was preparing both of us for expansion, not conformity. That which I sensed then has now become a core principle that guides me as I care for Linda and prepare for the ministry that God wishes me to engage in after her homegoing.
In last week’s blog, I noted that during each of my visits, I make it a point to softly fill the room with the sound and message of a Gaither video, How Beautiful Heaven Must Be. My purpose for doing so can be grasped by reviewing excerpts from my journal notes taken during two stages of Linda’s battle with Alzheimer’s:
Moderate Dementia
December 10, 2017 – Between breakfast and lunch, Linda asked several probing questions: What is wrong with me? How long will I live? What can be done? Why doesn’t God take me? She then expressed a desire to go to be with Him before she forgot everyone.
September 18, 2020 – During the pandemic, in a window visit, we sang songs about Heaven and rejoiced over Jesus’ imminent return. She responded, “Praise God!”
January 24, 2021 — The pandemic has made it impossible for us to have normal visits; however, each day when I FaceTime with her, I let her know she is beautiful, greatly valued, immeasurably loved, and moving toward being with Jesus forever. Today, she said, “I want to go to Heaven.”
January 25, 2021– I received a picture of Linda eating pizza and displaying a bright smile. The caption read: “She has been talking to the Lord a lot today.” Two hours later, when I tried to FaceTime with her, she was totally disconnected and the call lasted less than a minute.
Severe Dementia
April 21, 2023 — After telling Linda about the wonders of Heaven — as I consistently do — I asked her if she would like to go see Jesus. Even though the words were slurred, she quietly said, “Yes.”
May 11, 2023 — Linda awakened as I came into her room and was obviously very happy to see me, but soon started crying. After receiving medication, she calmed down and I was able to feed her. While listening to a song about Heaven, I told her, “We are going there someday and it will be wonderful.” She suddenly looked at me and exuberantly said, “I love you!”
As the clock ticks, putting the pieces together continues to be overwhelming; however, I am comforted in knowing that words penned over three thousand years ago provide a path forward and justify my response to the well-meaning physician: God is preparing both of us for expansion, not conformity:
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever” (Psalm 23:6 NLT).
Ron Harvard Ministries 