Good Grief

At first glance, the title of this month’s blog appears to be oxymoronic. If you add emphasis –Good Grief! – the stage is set for feelings of despair, anger, or frustration. However, when seen through the lens of biblical truth, it is God’s plan for understanding and navigating through the disappointments, traumas, losses, and uncertainties of life. It is a process, and He desires that we thrive, NOT merely survive! In eighteen days, Linda will have been gone from this earth for one year. I have had ample time to reflect on the storms, as well as the seasons of calm, associated with our journey into the “Long Goodbye” and am now working through the pain associated with her departure; I can confidently say, “Good Grief” …

Is Intensely Personal

Any attempt to compare our grief with that experienced by others can rob us of healthy reconciliation that leads to wholeness. Each person’s individual uniqueness is very important and must be given careful consideration in the grieving process. When our little son Jeffery was killed in 1978, I attempted to grieve according to the stated criteria and well-meaning expectations of others. After fifteen years of frustration, my pent-up feelings demanded to be heard, and I wound up struggling through eighteen months of depression. Determined not to repeat that mistake, I am giving myself permission to express the full range of emotions associated with mourning.

Appreciates the Past and Accentuates the Future

The picture accompanying today’s blog was taken two days before Linda’s eightieth birthday.
The staff at Legacy Village of Cleveland immediately sent me a copy because they knew that I would very much enjoy seeing her flash that trademark smile while on one of her many daily walks. They were correct! Now, the hard work of grieving requires that I savor the joy of looking back to that moment in time, fully acknowledge her death, and re-involve myself with the activities of daily living. Considering that I am prone to confuse busyness with productivity, creating a pressure-free zone in which all this can take place runs counter to every fiber of my being. Therefore, I must remember that healing is a lifelong process and give myself complete freedom to stumble, fall down, and get back up again – with no guilt or shame. The grief journey is not linear; it is cyclical!

Resists Categorization

When delineating various aspects of human behavior, categories are convenient, and that is a good thing. However, when taken to extremes, they create the illusion that we understand more than we actually do about those who grieve and how they will respond to the challenges of life. This often results in the proverbial attempt to place a square peg in a round hole. Therefore, all attempts to outline clearly defined stages of grief, explain how the process will unfold, or predict timetables should be met with skepticism. They can provide helpful hints, but in the final analysis, grief is neither predictable nor orderly: it is often a two steps forward and one step backward experience.

Focuses on Eternity

The scriptural admonition to those who are facing the death of a loved one has always been a core part of my belief system; it now has greater meaning than I have ever known:

Beloved brothers and sisters, we want you to be quite certain about the truth concerning those who have passed away,so that you won’t be overwhelmed with grief like many others who have no hope.  For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, we also believe that God will bring with Jesus those who died while believing in him.This is the word of the Lord: we who are alive in him and remain until the Lord appears will by no means have an advantage over those who have already died, for both will rise together.

For the Lord himself will appear with the declaration of victory, the shout of an archangel, and the trumpet blast of God. He will descend from the heavenly realm and command those who are dead in Christ to rise first. Then we who are alive will join them, transported together in cloudsto have an encounterwith the Lord in the air, and we will be forever joined with the Lord.  So encourage one another with these truths (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 TPT).