2026

Prior to Alzheimer’s, Linda and I always looked forward to the beginning of each new year as an opportunity to set meaningful goals. Anticipating the future greatly reduced the uncertainty and stress associated with daily living. All of that changed when this horrible disease became an unwelcome part of our world. For many years, I never knew what would happen next — adapting to the moment defined my very existence.

In the following paragraphs, I will summarize my quest for living victoriously before and after Linda’s death. You will note the drastic differences as well as surprising similarities between two components of one journey.

Through the “Long Goodbye”

Reflecting on my journey with Linda, I now realize that I passed through three phases which were not defined in terms of time. Rather, it was an attitudinal shift which moved from my desires to meeting her needs:

• Keeping her in my world – Each time confusion became evident, I went to great lengths to help her think clearly, sincerely believing that I was doing what was best for her. Gradually, the duration of the returns grew less and less, increasing frustration for both of us. Fortunately, it prompted me to realize that I was not doing what was best for Linda.

• Moving into her world — She could not verbally tell me what she needed. Therefore, through a process of trial and error, I learned what brought her pleasure or dismay. Even though she almost never called me by my name, she always recognized that I was someone special. Her sweet smile was my reward!

• Enjoying her world with her – Interestingly, some of my most precious memories of our nearly sixty-year marriage were created during this phase. I comforted her as needed and accepted whatever role she assigned me. Above all, I relinquished control and welcomed God into the mess.

After the “Long Goodbye”

My personal pursuit to find meaning as a single individual has not been anything like I thought it would be. Instead, I again find myself passing through three phases that cannot be defined in terms of time. Rather, it is an attitudinal shift which is moving from unhealthy grief to a restoration of hope:

• Unhealthy grief — After Linda’s passing, when family and friends had returned to their normal routines, reality came crashing down, and I felt an aloneness greater than anything that I had ever known. Unfortunately, it has happened more than once. During these times, I cannot describe how much I miss Linda as I struggle with a plethora of disturbing thoughts: Do I want to live? If so, can I make it through the pain? What will my new life look like? Can I make a meaningful contribution to my family, my church, and the larger whole of society?

• My battle between mind and emotions – Cognitively, from the moment of Linda’s passing, I rejoiced that she was no longer confused and was completely healed. Even if I had been able, at no point would I have brought her back. Emotionally, another story was unfolding: Drained from a nearly twenty-year battle with Alzheimer’s, hope was in short supply — I felt as if I were drowning! In desperation, I cried out to God for deliverance.

• Restoration of hope – Instead of doing a new thing, God chose process by using a portion of Scripture that has always been a core part of my belief system. Regular readers of my blog will recognize that I referenced it in my May 5, 2024, posting, Good Grief! It has ever-increasing meaning for me:

Beloved brothers and sisters, we want you to be quite certain about the truth concerning those who have passed away, so that you won’t be overwhelmed with grief like many others who have no hope.  For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, we also believe that God will bring with Jesus those who died while believing in him. This is the word of the Lord: we who are alive in him and remain until the Lord appears will by no means have an advantage over those who have already died, for both will rise together.

For the Lord himself will appear with the declaration of victory, the shout of an archangel, and the trumpet blast of God. He will descend from the heavenly realm and command those who are dead in Christ to rise first. Then we who are alive will join them, transported together in clouds to have an encounter with the Lord in the air, and we will be forever joined with the Lord.  So encourage one another with these truths (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 TPT emphasis added).

Accepting the validity of these truths enables me in 2026 to determine that I shall give myself permission to live in the moment, relate to those around me, and anticipate that which is ahead!